Looking at Stars

Sometimes, there exists people who seem to have it all. They have the perfect life, the perfect outer appearance, and they act the way they do not according to how they think the universe wants them to act but according to who they are.

These people are kind of amazing. To someone like me, those people are the source of my jealousy.

I like to think of myself as someone who knows herself inside and out. I guess to a certain extent, that’s absolutely true. But then put me in the middle of a group of people, and suddenly I’m like a deer caught in headlights, because I think too much, and all I want to do is do what everyone else expects me to do.

Not exactly a great way to make a first impression.

And to forgive my over-analyzing brain, I make excuses. I don’t often believe them. No, I don’t think I ever do. But they provide a source for temporary comfort in my stupidity; needless to say, I regret my actions in public, mostly because I simply do nothing.

I’m a person and like any other regular person, I want to make an impact on someone’s life, or at the very least make a friend. But see, the truth is, while I think I know myself inside and out, I’m still not comfortable with who I am, at least, not enough that I’ll happily share that person with the world.

I hate looking at life and living with the thought to impact people; I want to live just to live because this is the only life I’ll ever live, and what’s its worth if I’m not living out my potential? Who I am?

Sometimes I’ll look at the stars and be happy that I’ll never get a word of judgment from them. I trust them, and I don’t care if they see me do whatever it is I do. I just have to learn to look at people that way too.