I have a problem. This isn't a false cry for help. No, I just feel the need to get this out there.
Even with my closest friends, I have a huge problem letting them in. I'm not very welcoming to people in general, and when I try to be...well, I'm basically setting myself up for disappointment. People are bound to disappoint eventually.
I want to trust, though, because I'm missing out by hiding, by putting on a mask of I-don't-know-what so that people don't really get to see me. I'm not sure if that makes sense. I'm never sure if I make sense.
I probably have really low self esteem; I'm just too stubborn to admit it. But I think it's true. I'm scared to be wrong. I'm scared to take a step further with someone else because I'm scared of getting hurt, or hurting the other person. I'm scared to tell the world my thoughts because I'm scared of being left behind.
As nice as I may seem, I'm an attention seeker. I like it when I'm noticed. Is that a bad thing? Sometimes, I don't know who I am because I don't know how to act around others. Or maybe it's the other way around.
But this is a habit I would love very much to break out of.
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